The Djinn Called Middle-Class

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So, after a lot of research over months, nay years, the source of Kenya’s problems has finally been named and shamed! Hard to believe this troublemaker was under our noses all these years! Well, now that we know the culprit’s identity, we can begin to punish them for causing Kenya’s woes. Shame on you middle-class!

As a true patriot, I am all for seeing Kenya move forward. Hence, I would like to be thoroughly knowledgeable on who the middle-class is. We must know who this enemy of Kenya’s progress is. Kindly indulge me in my noble quest as I seek some clarifications.

What classifies one as middle-class? Is it their area of residence? Do Kilimani, Kileleshwa, South C and Lang’ata fit the category? What about Umoja and Komarock? What about those moving in droves to Kinoo, Ruaka, Kikuyu and Limuru? Will those areas be considered middle-class now? I’m being elitist, forgive me. Kenya si Nairobi so how do we find these middle-class culprits in the rest of the country?

Are the middle-class those with a disposable income? Does the size of the disposable income matter? Does what the disposable income is used for matter? Movies (50 bob or imax), fast-food (Kamau’s café or KFC), alcohol (Naps or Johnny Walker), clothes (Gikosh, exhibition or Mr. Price), travel/holidays.

What about life history? If one was born in an informal settlement and managed to get out, should they still be categorized in their former ‘status’? All these governor and senator aspirants claiming to be ‘mtu wa…’ as though they still live there? Should that be used to boost their campaigns?

What about education? Does the school you went to matter? If you went to a private school, does that make you middle-class? Does it matter if you were there courtesy of a scholarship? You have received that education haven’t you? A ‘good’ education means you’re on your way to being middle-class, doesn’t it? Or should we label you middle-class in waiting?

What about social media or even computer literacy? Does being on facebook and especially twitter qualify you as middle-class?

Well, all that’s good and dandy but it looks like a long process of evaluation! I’m looking for something simple that will detect a member of the middle-class in under a minute! Somebody help! Anyone?