The Soulmate Myth: Making People Miserable Since Cupid’s Birth

I don’t believe in soulmates. There, I said it. The whole concept is ridiculous to me. In fact, I think that it has led to many a miserable heart. Before you start labelling me as a ‘non-believer in true love’ *insert a voice that sounds like one of those princesses from those Disney movies or damsels in distress from telenovelas while reading that*, let me state my case.

Who or what is a soulmate? You can read the urban dictionary definition. It’s way too long and I didn’t want a whole paragraph of this article to be filled by a definition. To paraphrase it, it’s a love so deep, it actually sounds like a psychological disorder. Also, the fact that it’s so long, tells me what I need to know. Most of us don’t know the definition and use a bunch of long sentences to define it.

The belief that there’s only one person you can love on the planet is incredibly unhealthy, in my opinion. It has created a bunch of people that are waiting for this perfect person that completes them or fits them like a glove to appear. Think of all your favourite love songs. See what I mean? So people end up spending their life looking around hoping this person will turn up and show them what true love is. ”I wanna know what love is…”

For most people, they’ll give up and settle with the first person they meet after they get to the the phase of ‘settling down’. But of course, they’ll still be holding on to the hope that their soulmate is out there and when things in their marriage or relationship are tough, they go out into the world looking for someone to save them from their ‘horrible’ partner. Enter affairs and a series of unsuccessful marriages. This is in no way to excuse bad relationships. If it’s not working, get out but make sure you’re getting out soberly and not with the notion that you’re still looking for ‘the one’ so you can have a successful relationship. Sometimes, what is needed to fix a failing relationship is some difficult conversations and perhaps even couples therapy.

Who came up with the phrase, ‘the one’ anyway? They should be locked up and made to wear an iron mask like Leornardo’s character in ‘The Man in the Iron Mask.’ Love that movie. And that’s where the concept of ‘the one’ should stay. In the movies.

Love is a choice. I really believe that. You can’t love someone in a day. It’s something that grows over time. Within that time, you get to know the person you’re with and choose to continue to be with them despite their flaws. You both choose to keep working at the relationship and loving each other. Of course, there’ll be a couple of other people you’re attracted to but you choose to stay faithful to the person you have chosen already. Let’s be honest, being in a relationship or being married doesn’t make other people in the world ugly. The people you’d be attracted to still exist. It’s up to you to have self-control and remain committed to your partner.

I have to talk to the ladies here. We have been fed unhealthy propaganda right from our childhood. Cinderalla, Sleeping Beauty and the rest sit and wait for Prince Charming to rescue them and once he does, they live happily ever after. There’s a reason they are called fairy tales. It’s no one’s job to save you. At least not a mortal man. If you seek salvation, only God can help you in that area. Leave the men out of it. They are human just like you and it’s unhealthy to depend on someone else to make you happy all the time. No one can stand that kind of pressure! There’s a difference between someone being your partner and being your saviour/crutch.

Learn how to make yourself happy. Be complete in yourself. It’s so much easier to let people into your world when you’re confident in who you are and comfortable with your own company. It also helps to draw people to you. They can’t resist a person that’s comfortable in their own skin. Relax. So everyone in your circle is getting married. Ok. You will too. Eventually. Honestly, you’d rather be single for now and take time to pick your marriage partner than hitched and miserable because you rushed into it.

There are an array of reasons people get married but that’s another post. However, it should still be a well thought out decision. Love is great but it’s no rosy garden. Wait, actually it is but with a lot more thorns than is usually advertised. It’s still however, a beautiful institution when both parties are committed to its growth. It will come when it comes. Till then, stop having unrealistic expectations of people. If you really want to experience soul connections with people, put yourself out there. If you’re spending your time looking for your ‘soulmate’ and being depressed that you haven’t found them yet, you’re losing time you will never get back. Get into the business of living. Love comes as you live your life.