Top 6 Rules for Exes

You went out, it was great (or not) and it’s now over. We’ve all been there. At least majority of us anyway. There are some lucky few who have dated one person and married them and died while still married to them. That’s an anomaly in the machinery of love. Most people date several people in their lifetime and so have an ex or two or several somewhere.

I am a believer in the ‘when it’s over cut off all ties unless it’s completely unavoidable like we work together or something like that’ motto. I don’t believe in being friends or any of that. You can go ahead and say how I’m the bitter type. Stop. It. Let’s be honest. When you date someone especially for a long time i.e. more than six months, that person has become a part of your life. You are not doing them or yourself a favour by continuing to have them in your personal life. You both need space to move on. One preferably without any negative energy.

Here are my rules for dealing with exes:

1. No calls/messages unless it’s an emergency of sorts. A few weeks after the breakup, there may be some texts as we’ve not started to move on but a couple of months? Stop. Don’t call me or text me telling me how you miss me or telling me some random funny story like you used to when we were together. Unless we are going to get back together, (another rare occurrence for you to get back with an ex and it leads to a happy ever after) stop messing with my emotions. Clean cut. I go out of my way not to call or text exes. It’s a slippery slope especially if you’re in a new relationship. The last thing you need is to ruin your new relationship because you’ve not let go of the past. Oh, and messages covers facebook, twitter and emails etc

2. No meetups unless we bumped into each other there. Even if we bumped into each other there, I don’t want to hang out at your table for too long or with you all night at a party. I’m not your girlfriend anymore so I’d rather be hanging out with other people. Other people here being other guys… While we’re at no meetups, don’t ask me to come over to your place or come over to mine. That’s asking for trouble and is irresponsible. Let’s not hurt each other more than necessary.

3. No communication with family members. So you and my sister became tight while we were going out, that’s well and good. But we are no longer going out, so find someone else’s sister to be tight with. And don’t call my mom either. That’s low. Thankfully, my sister and mother are on my team so as soon as I tell them you’re dead to me, you’re dead to them.

4. No close friendship with each other’s friends. If you became friends with my friend, cut off the relationship unless you’re incredibly close. I’d ask my friend to decide how this works. It’s awkward having your friend leave and go, “I’m going for so and so’s birthday party” to which you know you’re not invited and even if you are invited, you don’t want to particularly go to. Again, you need space to move on, not constant updates on your ex.

5.No sharing cabbies. If I introduced you to my cab guy, you need to stop using them. It can’t be that the cabbie is telling me they’ll come pick me up as soon as they drop you off. Then when they pick me up they go on to tell me how you were with some girl and you were clearly more than friends. Why is the cabbie involved in this again? Get your own cabbie!

6.No going to each other’s weddings. This is especially true if it ended badly. I don’t want to come for your wedding so you don’t have to invite me. No, really don’t. I won’t invite you for mine either. I don’t want you there.

At the end of the day, relationships are hard and breaking up and moving on is never easy if the relationship meant something to you. I’m the most important person in my life and I prefer to make things easy for myself going forward by making a clean cut. I find I’m able to move on in a stress free way by doing that. I don’t hate any of my exes. I cherish the good times, I learned my lessons and I’ve moved on. And I want to stay moved on. I write dramas for a living, doesn’t mean I want to live out one. I like my life drama free, thank you. Selfish preservation.