A Letter to My Future Person

Hello love,

I am not sure how to begin this letter.  Perhaps it’s because it seems a bit strange to be writing a letter to someone I have yet to meet. Yes, I am sure I have not met you. I think I would know if I had. Though to be honest, I prefer to believe I haven’t met you yet because I would punch you if I found out you’ve been around me all this time. How could you just hang around watching me watching out for you? Or are you waiting for the perfect time to show up? I don’t know. I’d rather not think about it and anyway, that’s not what this letter is about.

I have been thinking about love lately. I don’t mean the love of fairytales and their happily ever after or the love overcomes all obstacles recycled storyline of telemundos. I mean the love that is a soft breeze and a raging hurricane all at the same time. I used to doubt my ability to love and after a few false starts, I thought that perhaps I didn’t know how to love and would never know. So I waited to be loved and I thought that perhaps if I experienced that, I would then know how to do it right. I was wrong. You don’t learn how to love by being loved but by loving. I have loved. I have known love. But I wish to know the lifelong kind of love.

I am unfortunately, old fashioned when it comes to love. I believe in giving my all to one person. I want to experience growing old with someone and learning the names of the constellations that shine on their soul. In this day and age of instant everything, love has become instant too. Few want to take the time to build on something. They want to experience fireworks. But fireworks fizzle out and then the building of love begins and it’s hard work. For many, the work is too much work and they rush off to experience the next batch of fireworks with someone else. I feel so sad for people like that. They will never experience the peace and contentment that comes with baring your flawed naked soul to someone and them accepting you.

I want that. I am willing to wait for that. But I want you to know that I have made a pact with God. I told Him that should I not be destined to have that kind of love, I wish that He keep me single. I would rather be alone than up all night wondering where my husband is, crying in bed for him while he is busy screwing some other woman or to be trusting that he has gone on a business trip while he has taken his clande on holiday. I don’t want that and I would rather not have any of it. I don’t want to get married for the sake of marriage. I am perfectly fine being single for life because I will simply not settle for anything less than the real thing.

So let me ask you then. Will you be faithful? I want you to love only me. Not me, Sally and Rachael. Will you tell me the truth? If you’re ever unhappy with anything I’m doing or not doing, let me know. Will I be able to count on you to be there? Or will you run away when things get tough? Will you love me enough to fight for me? Or will I ever be on edge because you will always be threatening to leave every time we disagree? Will you love me beyond the physical? What happens if I get breast cancer and my bountiful bosom turns into something you’d rather not look at? What about when I age and my face has wrinkles drawn on it and my frame isn’t as shapely as it once was? Will you still find me desirable then or will you go looking for a shapelier frame to warm your bed?

I want to laugh with you. I want to wake up to your face. I want to have your children. I want to cry with you. I want to pray with you. I want to build a life with you. You will see when you first take my hand that I am intense. It’s who I am. I don’t know how to pretend. If I love you, you will feel it in your bones. It will make you uncomfortable because it will be like jumping off a plane. And you will be sure that there is no one else because I am simply not capable of being in love with two people at the same time. And you will know that I am there until death do us part. Whether you’re fat, skinny, sick, healthy, poor or rich, I’ll be there. I will hold you through the best times and hold you together through the worst times.

You see, love is a choice. There are many other people I could be with. Some more attractive than you. Some funnier than you. Some more romantic than you. Some richer than you. They will tempt me. But I will choose you. I will choose you every day until the day I take my last breath. I want you to choose me too. Not because I am pretty because one day I will not be as pretty and there are many prettier than me. Not because I am smart because one day I may not remember my own name. Not because I have a great sense of humour, or I’m ambitious, or kind, or a good cook. Love me for all those things but love me beyond them. Forgive me when I do wrong. Be kind to me. And I will spend my life loving you like I’ve never been hurt.

Love,