Thoughts on the Week #25 -I Am High Maintenance

I used to think that I was not high maintenance. To be honest, my definition of this was a woman who made ridiculous demands of the men around her such as eating in particular restaurants, being driven around among others. Over time, I came to realize that wasn’t necessarily the definition being used by everyone else.

First of all, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a woman who makes lifestyle demands of a man she’s with. If the man truly has an issue with it, he’ll refuse to meet those demands or leave her alone. If the man is willing to do these things, then what is the problem? Why are we so incensed with a woman that thinks she is worthy of being treated like royalty and demands it?

Second of all, this idea of ‘a good woman’ as a woman who is content with the least a man can offer is a con. Women have been socialized to ask for and expect as little as possible such that when a man does the most basic things, it’s considered excellent. So you find that the women who are actually accused of being high maintenance are women who are either asking for the bare minimum or are unwilling to settle for the bare minimum.

Do I like a simple life? Yes. Do I place a bigger premium on time than money? Absolutely. But that’s the thing though, the accusations of being high maintainance go beyond women’s interest in material things to expectations on emotional labour. When women ask men to do more work in the emotional department, we are accused of being clingy or demanding or a nag. It’s a con and I’m not here for it.

I am high maintenance. Not only do I expect financial investment in me in a relationship, but I also demand quality time and reciprocity in emotional labour. And no, I am not apologizing for that.