Thoughts on the Week #28 – Happiness Guilt

Okay, sometimes I feel guilty for enjoying myself. I especially feel guilty when the enjoyment involves a splurge. Most of the nice things I enjoy are work related so I’m not uncomfortable because I consider them perks of the job and I’m never fully relaxed anyway because I am working after all. However, on days where it’s not work and I am simply supposed to be relaxing, I feel guilty.

I especially feel guilty when it’s someone else’s money. I almost want to apologize for having them waste their money on me. I think it’s the value I place in money seeing that I’ve spent the majority of my adulthood really broke. Coming from a place of basically looking for coins for bus fare to being able to Uber around and eat out is a huge change. My mindset hasn’t quite shifted as I am always feeling like it’s a waste to be pampered if especially I can get something similar at a much cheaper place.

I went to the Kaya Spa at the Tribe and it was a fantastic experience but I couldn’t stop thinking about the prices especially because someone else was footing the bill. After some thought though, I realized that I like being pampered and drinking champagne and having dinner at nice restaurants. It’s the shame of liking it that I’m struggling with.

After a spoilation, I always give generously to the poor as a way to demonstrate how thankful I am to be enjoying the things I enjoy. The happiness guilt even extends to feeling bad that I am in a good place when others are suffering. I need to learn how to enjoy nice things without feeling uncomfortable, panicky or guilty. I suppose it’ll happen if I just take it one day at a time.