Taking Stock 2017: Love, Courage and Magic
2017 was one hell of a year! I achieved so much but I also lost a lot and it’s hard to believe that all this happened in one year. It’s been a defining year for me as I’ve been challenged and broken but the process turned me into a stronger and more focused person.
Love is in the mundane. It’s listening to me talk about how my new shoes pinched my feet and I just wanted to take them off at that party but couldn’t coz wow that’s considered gross so I kept going to the bathroom to take them off so I wouldn’t die from feet strangulation.
Love is calling and telling me you just got paid and I need to get out of bed we go for drinks. And I get up and put on a dress and heels after a week of being unable to leave the house and go out and have a great time.
Love is not blocking me after I didn’t reply to messages for weeks because I was in a bad place. And taking me to pizza on Fridays and listening to me go on and on about my latest prospects and how I really shouldn’t be eating pizza coz I can’t afford to gain weight.
Love is reminding me that I need to block someone because wow what am I even doing talking to people that treat me like I’m an option/chore or something.
Love is gassing me up. All day everyday like I’m Rihanna or something.
Love is loaning me some money because my cheques are late. And not making me feel small by announcing it to the whole world.
Love is offering to help me house search. And then move. Even though I totally have a moving company that’s handling it.
Love is sending me all the funny posts and videos so I can laugh too. And sharing new music and movies/TV shows you think I’d be into.
Love is putting me onto and nominating me for amazing opportunities. And reminding me that I’m smart, talented and capable. And that it’s only a matter of time and I should be easier on myself.
Love is picking my heartbroken calls at 1am and listening to my inarticulate truths amid frantic sobbing. And somehow managing to remind me that I’m worthy and everything will be OK.
Courage is accepting that I am not perfect, that I will not succeed in everything I do, that I will feel pain and disappointment and regret and shame and guilt but I keep going anyway.
Courage is accepting love and even though sometimes I wonder if I deserve it, I take a deep breath and not only take it, but love back openly and freely.
Magic is the recognition that I am a force. I don’t want beautiful to be my primary description. Call me fiery, ungovernable magic.
Who do I become? I must become the woman I was meant to be. I refuse the lesser life.
Photography by Kiarii Kimanihttp://www.mwendengao.com/2017/12/31/taking-stock-2017-love-courage-magic/Mwende says2017,2018,black girl magic,Mwende magic,new year resolutions,taking stock,what is couorage,what is love,what is magic