10 Things You Should Never Share About A Friend Without Their Consent

I know when someone shares what could be termed juicy information, it can be pretty difficult to keep it to yourself. The line does get a little thin when the information you’re sharing is something that could have far reaching consequences especially of the dangerous kind. Here are 10 things never to share about a friend without their consent.

1.Sexual orientation

Considering that homosexuality is frowned upon in society, with homosexual acts illegal in Kenya, sharing this is definitely a no no. Anyone that identifies as anything other than heterosexual and male or female, automatically faces backlash from society. This backlash often leads to being ostracized and denied opportunities such as a job or scholarship and even more troubling, physical violence that can end up being fatal.

2. Mental illness

Mental illness is still very misunderstood and the chances that someone will lose a job or be unemployable are alarmingly high. The stigma associated with mental illness means that anyone that suffers from one has to be really careful about who they confide in. Ignorance in society can make it difficult to cope and it’s unfair to make them cope with the additional stress of being vulnerable to the preying eyes of those who don’t understand. This is especially crucial in the event that your friend attempts suicide. Please don’t go telling everyone about this. They are already traumatized enough and need to feel safe and focus on recovery and not fending off rumormongers.

3. Financial trouble

A lot of people go through financial problems. If you or your family has never been through that, you’re one of the lucky ones. Contrary to popular belief, hard work isn’t a guarantee of success especially continued success. Things happen, people go broke, markets crash, countries go into recession, people get retrenched, companies fall apart and families get auctioned and evicted. It’s part of life.

4. Sexual assault/rape/domestic violence

Women’s bodies have been used for power trips by men for centuries. The humiliation and pain is already a terrible experience and a lot of victims prefer to keep quiet about their ordeal so they can heal in peace and move forward with their lives. If someone doesn’t want to talk about it, that should be respected. Men are also victims of rape and domestic violence and should be treated with the same sensitivity and compassion as female victims. In a world that is tuned to question female victims’ morality and mock male victims’ vulnerability, victims don’t need the added betrayal of their friends who can’t keep their mouths shut.

5. Miscarriage/Difficulty conceiving

1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage. In fact, a lot of women will miscarry their first pregnancy and not even be aware of the fact thinking that it’s a heavy period. Of course, when a woman is aware and has put plans in place for a baby, it can be pretty devastating to lose a pregnancy. Miscarriages and difficulty conceiving are deeply personal, painful and stressful and the last thing someone in this situation needs is to be the centre of gossip, especially considering the misconceptions and superstitious beliefs that surround pregnancy complications in Kenya.

6. Abortion

Abortion is illegal in Kenya, but that hasn’t stopped thousands of women from getting one. Every woman has her own reason for making the decision and that should be respected. It is not in your place to go about naming and shaming anyone especially when any consequences arising from a decision a woman makes with regards to her life are truly none of your business.

7. Health issues

Not everyone wants to share that they have cancer or diabetes or Multiple Sclerosis. Or if they do, they want to only share that with close friends and family. Don’t be that person that goes sharing with every Tom, Dick and Harry especially when Tom, Dick and Harry are not exactly wishing your friend the best. Drug addiction also falls here. If your friend is recovering in rehab, keep it to yourself.

8. Relationship issues

Your married friend is fighting with her husband and they are on the brink of a divorce? Keep it to yourself. Until someone starts to volunteer information about their relationship to people, you should keep whatever they tell you to yourself. Relationships are already difficult enough without the additional stress of knowing everyone is talking about you.

9. Sexual partners/activity

Considering the society we live in, sexually liberated individuals can be perceived in an unfavourable light. This is especially true for women. Not everyone who is sexually adventurous wants the world to know about it. There are those who are public with their sexual escapades and there are those who’d rather keep it undercover. Respect that.

10. Insecurities/Doubts

No one is confident all the time. Sometimes people have moments where they completely doubt their abilities or the direction they are taking in their lives. I know I have had moments where I was on the brink of a panic attack and I would be mortified if any of my friends shared the details of my fears and doubts with other people.

These are things that should be kept a secret and not necessarily because it was specifically asked of you, but because it’s the right thing to do. I have a rule about the 10 things above and a few others: Even if I fall out with or no longer speak to that friend/family member/boyfriend, I will never share any of those things about them in this lifetime or the next. The things people trust you with when they’re vulnerable are precious and shouldn’t be made light of. There are things you don’t have the right to share about someone because they simply aren’t yours to tell.