Everything You Need To Know About Attachment Styles

Attachment Theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between humans. It begins as children with our attachment to our parents and influences our attachment styles to romantic partners later in our lives.

The pioneers of this theory were John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, with the “Strange Situation” test for parent-child relationships leading to the 4 attachment styles.

The 4 Attachment Styles

Dr. Phillip Shaver and Dr. Cindy Hazan took the parent-child research and applied it to romantic relationships. 

Secure Attachment 

Securely attached people make up 62% of the population and tend to be less anxious and more satisfied with their relationships. They have an easy time forming connections and reaching out for comfort.

Anxious Attachment 

People with an anxious attachment style make up 15% of the population and tend to worry a lot in their relationships especially about losing their partner. They tend to look for a partner who can rescue them or complete them, and can be clingy, possessive, paranoid, or need constant attention.

Avoidant Attachment 

Avoidant attachers make up 23% of the population and tend to be emotionally distant from their partners. They take pride in their independence and can view vulnerability as weakness. They are not attentive partners, shut down emotionally during arguments and tend to pull away when they have an issue. 

Fearful Attachment 

Fearful attachment is also called ‘disoriented’ or ‘disorganized’ attachment, and people with this attachment style make up about 5% of the population. They live in an ambivalent mindset where they swing from being afraid of connection to smothering their partner.

Earned Secure Attachment

Once you become aware of your attachment style, you can work to change it from the unhealthy styles to a secure attachment style. This is referred to as an earned secure attachment.

Great relationships are built on trust and intimacy, click here to read more on how to build intimacy in your relationship. As you work on your attachment style, it’ll be easier to seek out secure attachers or help partners become secure attachers. 

The most important thing is to be gracious with yourself and realize that as long as you do the work towards growth, you are doing great.