Emotional Abuse Signs to Look Out For

When we think of abuse, we think physical abuse. 

Emotional or psychological abuse can be difficult to accept because there is no physical evidence. This can be dangerous as emotional abuse is just as terrible as physical abuse and can lead to worse long-term effects because it’s not as acknowledged when it’s happening.

Here are emotional signs to look out for to protect yourself or a loved one.

Withholding Affection

Emotional abusers will withhold affection from a partner as a way to punish, exercise power over or control. They will use affection as a bargaining chip to get their partner to do what they want or as a punishment after they feel wronged.

Silent treatment is also another tactic with abusers refusing to acknowledge or speak to their partner for extended periods at a time to get back at them. This is not to be confused with partners that withhold or limit affection because they are hurt and need time to process their feelings. With emotional abuse, the withholding of affection is a deliberate tactic to punish their partner.

Gaslighting

An abusive partner will have you doubting reality as they will refuse to admit their wrongdoing and insist you are imagining or making up things. This kind of repeated gaslighting will affect your self-confidence and make you even more vulnerable to abuse.

Alienation

Abusers will generally work to alienate you from your friends and family. The idea is to remove you from your support system so that they alone are your support system. They will do things like complain about the time you spend with other people and even accuse you of cheating to get you to stay home and dedicate more time to them.

Threats and ultimatums

An abuser will threaten to expose you or embarrass you to others or to throw you out of the home especially if they are the primary provider. Other threats include taking your children away from you or threatening to leave you after every argument. These threats often go hand in hand with verbal abuse.

They will also issue ultimatums and frame it as them being generous to you to fix the issues. In this way when they punish you, it’ll be your fault for not doing what they said.

The idea is to keep you walking on eggshells around them and anxiously compliant. It’s also to have you questioning your worth, feeling ashamed as you believe there are major things wrong with you and staying put as you’re grateful that your partner puts up with you.

Lack of Respect for Your Privacy

Abusers want to control you and may do this by insisting on having access to your private phone and social media messages and accounts. They may even go as far as doing this without your permission or knowledge. They can also use tracking apps to monitor your movements.

Control of Money and Resources

Economic abuse and emotional abuse often go hand in hand. A partner that wants to control may insist on controlling all the money in the relationship. You will then need to do everything they want so as to access funds. This may not just happen in the case of them being the financial provider either. You may be making money, even more than them, but they’ll control the finances and use this in turn, to control you.

Property Damage

An emotional abuser may not physically hit you, but they may take out their anger on your possessions. They may break or throw out things of value to you to hurt or punish you.

Cheating

Infidelity may not be a sign of emotional abuse as there are many reasons for unfaithfulness. However, in the case of an emotional abuser, cheating is a weapon. This is especially effective when they couple this with withholding of affection. They may not necessarily have sex with anyone, but they will actively flirt in your presence to hurt you, then blame you for making them to do it. 

Healing after any type of abuse can be difficult, but the important thing is to start slow and keep at it. Reach out for support from friends and family, and even from a therapist. You can use online resources such as ReGain. The goal is to heal and to take back control of your life.